She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
