wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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