We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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