It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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