I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
