I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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