Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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