Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize