Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
