I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
