smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize