I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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