Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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