i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
