i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
A+ Viking dick
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
