Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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