I'd wear matching sweaters with you
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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