i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize