All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
