Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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