Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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