I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
