i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
