you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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