well I can't set my house on fire every night
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Randomize
