You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
