Betty ford says i'm here all night
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
