It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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