someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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