dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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