he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
