I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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