I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
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