I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
