I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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