my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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