That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize