hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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