i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
