Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
