I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
