I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize