well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
