I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
