There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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