I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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