i just wanna soil my oats bro
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize