Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
