you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Randomize
