the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize