apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
