If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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