WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
