I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
