She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Randomize
