At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
