were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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