I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
