Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
So vagazzling was a success
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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