it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
