Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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