No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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