Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
