Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
