like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
