I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize