So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
