make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
