im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
